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Prayer - What it Is Not

      This may be an odd way to start a series of articles on prayer, but sometimes we can grasp better what something IS if we first look at what it IS NOT.
      So let’s distinguish between bad prayer and what is not prayer. Bad prayer might be asking for something which clearly is not God’s will, or asking with doubt and lack of faith. It may not be effective prayer, but it is still prayer if, even in our immaturity, we are still reaching out to God with some degree of sincerity and faith.
      On the other hand, Jesus gives us an example of what is not prayer at all. He tells of a man who “stood and prayed thus with [to] himself, ‘God I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, I give tithes of all that I get.’” (Lk 18:11-12.) Interesting that Jesus says the man is praying “with” himself, or sometimes translated “to” himself. Luke says it was a parable for those “who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and despised others” (Lk 18:1).
      So prayer is not talking or thinking with ourselves about how wonderful we are – no matter how much God-talk or religious-language we use. If it’s self-aggrandizement, it’s not prayer. Prayer is also not trusting in ourselves: “God, I’m going to fast this Friday, I’m going to pray an hour every day, I’m going to this and that .... I’ve got it from here, God. I can do this.” Rehearsing my agenda and self-sufficiency is not prayer.
      Have you ever prayed, “Lord, just tell me what Your will is and I will do it!” You might have been sincere and so just needing to learn how God works and to surrender, and that's OK – we're all on the journey. But sometimes we can say this sort of thing more as an expression of self-sufficiency, to pump ourselves up to go out and do our thing. Then it’s not prayer. It's not surrender; it's not seeking God’s help (and probably not His will).
      Or how about, “Lord, I’m so glad I’m not as selfish as I used to be. Janet is so stuck on herself! I’m glad I was never that bad. Can’t you do something about her?” That’s not prayer either. That’s despising others.
      Self-aggrandizement or despising others is never prayer. Neither is group gossiping in the name of intercessory prayer.
      Then there are people who look good on the outside and appears righteous, and maybe are in church every week and say many prayers. But there’s something you can’t quite name, something’s off. Everything is about them, and they are always in the right (in their own eyes) and others in the wrong (and quick to inform you). What has happened to these is that they have developed a habit, formed their character, to rationalize away and excuse their bad and sinful behavior, their own selfish lack of charity towards others. Everything is about making sure they appear good. They know right from wrong, but no longer sees the wrong in themselves but project it onto others. They deceive themselves with lies. These persons also do not pray but talk to or with themselves. They cannot pray because they no longer can see any need in themselves.
      Jesus said, “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by men.” (Mt 6:5.) He talked about those who “for a pretense make long prayers” (Lk 20:47; Mt 23:14). Note that it is the loving to be seen by others, the pretense, that is the problem here. Now, there are legitimate situations where there is no pretense at all. Parents have to pray to be seen by their children to set a good example and teach them. Whenever a group of people pray together, each should also pray earnestly to set a good example. At church, sitting up, kneeling and standing appropriately, and paying attention, all set a good example for others and also keep us focused on the Lord. But if we focus on our appearance of looking holy, looking pious, then it’s a pretense, and we’re talking with and to ourselves. We’re not praying.
      Lord, teach us to really pray!
Dibby Green
Originally published in the print edition of the Mojave Desert News on November 7, 2019.
Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Church is located in California City, CA. Visit our website at ollcalcity.org.